I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
