Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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