she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
