we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
