so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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