true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
