I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
