People in love make me want to vomit
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
