I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize