I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
