Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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