Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize