Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
