Christians are straight up FREAKS
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
