Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im six kinds of drunk right now
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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