Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
