i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
