idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
