i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
