I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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