Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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