The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
