My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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