so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
