Your face is a jimmy john
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
