you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
