Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize