if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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