Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
