I'm laying in your front yard are you home
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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