I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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