My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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