no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
