I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What a dumb baby whore.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
