I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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