Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
