I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
