Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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