I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
