I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
