what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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