Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
