i permit you to call me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize