At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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