Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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