i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
