I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
