theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
