Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
