No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
