im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
