Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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