lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
