I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
