i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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