I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize