Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
