Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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