Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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