wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
