this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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