Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Couch. On fire.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
