Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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