Moan for me like Helen Keller
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
